A sudden rush of anger surges in our mind and we are ready to scream, explode, crash the vase (and the flowers), hit whatever comes to hand or throw ourselves from the window.
That’s ugly and painful.
Let’s be honest: we all go through this, just a question of shades.
I remember a time when I was miserable at work: putting way too many hours into something that was not fulfilling. It was like throwing all your gold in a bottom less container until depletion.
Until that day I hit the last reserve: I left work straight home. I was restless; the speed at which thoughts were flowing in my mind was beyond my grasp.
Luckily, there was still a drop of energy which turned into survival mode: I called my husband asking him to come home now – which he compassionately did without questioning - and rolled myself under the blanket trying to empty my head. He would be here in an hour and I would hold until his rescue power-hug.
That was a state of mind which could have had dramatic consequences. Exhaustion and negative emotions were coming together: had I let negative thoughts expand in my mind, I would have probably completely lost control and turned somewhat insane.
There was no valid reason for me to drain my energy in a meaningless job; but here was my underlying negative speech:
- I need to be a hero and compensate for all the others who don’t do their job; it’s my responsibility
- It’s so unfair, why are they not doing their piece?
- I hate this job, what’s the point?
- I am scared, what if I can’t do it?” – and back to 1, in circles.
There was enough ground to become insane….
Since that day, I have used this powerful remedy:
- Care for yourself before anyone else. Not superficial pampering but an authentic cuddle.
- Manage your energy. It’s gold! Don’t let it drain.
- Every time you can, appreciate your life, love who you are. Don’t only think it, feel it.
- Befriend your mind and spot your negative thoughts: I am not good enough, I am lost, I am a victim and numerous other ways we turn ourselves down.
- Then seriously commit to dropping them. Be patient: negative thoughts are like leech so much so incrusted under your skin that you think they are you.
- Say stop before you’ve gone beyond your limit.
- Whatever you decide to do for others, do it wholeheartedly. Know your motivations.
I actually changed job very shortly after and my boss apologized for letting me take way too much on my shoulders. The great learning out of this painful process: I will not let my mind turn me into a victim or a super-hero anymore!