Five years ago, I started writing PeeledOnion to capture and organize my thoughts. I actually embarked on what I now understand to be a healing journey.
PeeledOnion has been my refuge holding space for me as I was discovering the meandres of my psyche and the contradicting forces within me. This is my last post because PeeledOnion has reached its goal. I actually haven’t been writing much lately.
I was looking for a secret universal formula to stop human suffering until I realized that all I was really doing was building walls of rules that would protect me from life. They say everyone who starts their healing journey has to first agree to be here and now, to accept the game of life in its fullest. We may be a drop in the ocean but until we embrace all of that drop, we are faking life. So I learned that it’s not about digging out a secret formula to happiness but instead, open up fully to life. There is no joy without suffering and none of it is such a big deal.
Dear PeeledOnion, I thank you for walking with me.
Dear Reader, it has made a difference on this very personal journey to receive a note from you who in your words told me: I see you. Thank you for that.
There is no universal happiness formula and it’s foolish to look for one. I have been that fool. Before I leave this space, here is what I am taking with:
- Humility: if we play humble in order to feel proud of ourselves, then we are simply petting our ego self and it will backlash sooner than later. I did that. Humility when genuine is not trying to explain nor justify anything. It doesn’t take for granted that our work should be perfect and it also simply sees and recognizes when we literally Fd it up. No fuss, no excuse. Humility is fierce and not fluffy and it’s soft, not harsh. So I haven’t been very humble and I understand that humility is very much needed for healing to happen.
- Purpose: everyone will tell you that a life of purpose is a must to be happy. Actually, I have searched for my purpose for a decade and I understand today that purpose is just a drive. We need purpose, that’s very true because this is the cement of our lives but purpose has nothing to do with the content we decide to give to it. The content is totally up to us and it doesn’t matter what we pick for our purpose to be. I need a lot of change as I get bored in a fraction of a second. So I need many different contents to keep me in flow. I don’t need to be an expert at anything and when I am in my discovery phase, I am so enthusiastic about the topic that it seems it’s my ultimate passion. But it’s just a phase. No big deal. I satisfy my curiosity with the next thing and it’s OK.
- Kindness: This is a tough one for little miss SmartAss. Competitive, Perfectionist. Nothing gets better done than by myself… I thank you for being here because you bring me drive and help me aim for improvement. It’s ok now to take a rest and give me a break because I now understand that the soul is inclusive. Life is not a competition and everybody belongs to the game. 38 years of judging and pushing others… Well, the next 38 years need to balance off with kindness.
- Heaven: After completing my shamanic studies, I decided that my focus should be to bring Heaven on Earth as if it was actually not the case. I smile at this ambition today. Life will decide what my contribution actually has been. Heaven and Earth this is a topic that I continuing to very much fascinate me and I have just started to allow the cosmic smile to shine upon us. I am letting go of that old myth of the original sin, that we humans need to pray for redemption and earn our place in paradise. Weaving a new myth for myself.
- Acceptance: If I decide to let go of suffering, I also want you to do it because I know better. Acceptance is letting go of that need which finds its root in my insecurity, my deep need to belong and be right. Acceptance is opening the door to living beyond right or wrong and to be very honest, to this day, I don’t know how to do that. It is my wish to learn that and actually, it is my share in this lifetime to master Acceptance.
I am starting a new chapter of my life and PeeledOnion has reached its purpose of showing me all the myths I was living by and the different characters that were driving my bus. It’s time to start anew. I am embarking on the next path now of actually becoming a better person and on the way, I may be able to fulfill my dream of making love to the rain.
May our paths always be blessed and our efforts compassionate.